Are you in charge of your calendar?

Humans have developed so many tools to extend their power. Physical tools extend the handler’s capabilities in obvious ways. Hammers, for example, give me leverage to pound and wedge sharp tiny objects in places.

On the other hand, sometimes the hammer hits the thumb that holds the nail, and then I can feel all this powerful leverage as pain.

I think that, over the years, I have developed the skills to safely handle a hammer, but what about all these digital tools?

The power of (digital) calendars

Let’s remind ourselves of what a calendar actually does.

It is an enumeration of time, giving each chunk of time a dedicated, shareable name. This way we can connect with people synchronously, easily, and multiple times per day. Since the invention of the telephone and now video conferences, this can happen with people from all over the world.

An immense extension of our power. But if abused accidentally, this power does not hurt us as obviously as a hammer does.

A fact that is probably even more true for recurring meetings. Meetings that occur on a regular schedule are even more powerful, because we as humans thrive on repetition. Such meetings are gifts to our future self, commitments to pay attention to things or people that are important and meaningful to us, commitments to keep going on a task, to review, to let go, to improve continuously.

They build a routine, maybe even a ritual. Very few people have become a confident, creative expert performer from a one-week crash course learning the ins and outs of an instrument. Some have achieved this by committing to practice an hour every week, even though it is a similar time commitment over the course of a year.

What pain do you feel from calendar abuse?

If you end your workday after having attended back-to-back meetings without any chance to refresh in between, without the feeling that anything moved forward, just thinking about the time to the next meeting and how much work you can cram into that slice of time, then you are hurting.

And it is happening.

Since 2020, meetings have surged. For example, Microsoft Teams usage per user has increased by about 200%. We all know some of the driving factors behind this: more meetings happening online during COVID, the general sense of loneliness and anxiety surrounding that time period. But as I understand it, the rate of user engagement on virtual meeting platforms has not dropped since then. Have we maybe just been overpowered by the sudden shift, driven by our anxieties, and have not found our way back yet?

Well, statistics are one thing, but you are your own person.

If you look at all the recurring meetings that are splattered over your calendar, are some of them just there because you have to attend them? Did they create a curtain of unconditional commitment fed by the desire to improve or gain safety through routine and recurring connections? And does this curtain hide the meeting’s true meaning?

The Agile Manifesto started with the claim that individuals and interactions are more important than tools and processes, but nowadays agile development is more often associated with the process of specific regular meetings over a two-week cycle. It is a best practice, but is it the best practice for you and your team? It can be so easy to forget to ask that question.

Getting in charge again

The good news: calendars are a tool that we all have control over. So it is the perfect exercise for practicing heart-led leadership.

You can master your calendar and get in charge again, and the first step is to just notice what is important to you.

How do you feel before, during, and after your meetings? What do you notice in others? Do you sense engagement and team growth with lots of contributions of the kind “Here I am ready to help and collaborate,” or do you notice more fear and egos longing to be soothed, with lots of contributions of the kind: “Look what I did since our last meeting. I really need to show you.”

Are you an engaged and active listener, or is your mind wandering? Or are you maybe even using the meeting time to work on something else because you think that this would actually be a better use of your time?

Only if you pay attention will you connect with the true meaning of the meetings that your calendar presents you with.

But if you do, magic can happen. You may find the ability to let go of meetings, find ways to shorten them, you may notice that the actual purpose is to connect with people and focus on exactly that. If you get aware of the meetings in which your full presence is needed, you might be able to give yourself some self-care time before or around those times, letting go of shame or excuses that might have haunted you in the past.

If so, you will probably feel less stressed, because suddenly you are in charge of your calendar, because you use its power for your own good, not the other way around.

But what about the meetings I am not in control of?

Hopefully, you are not scheduling all meetings on your calendar yourself. If you do, it is easy to be in charge, but sometimes you are just invited to meetings, or you have to deal with team members sharing that they have been in back-to- back meetings since 7am. Sigh, it can be very frustrating if you have something important to share and know that the overworked listener does not have the capacity to take it in.

It is a different way the calendar can get in charge of your experience and your productivity. But that is for a different post.

For now, let’s just focus on the easy things.

Reflections of the day

• Make a list of all the meetings that you created. You may want to also include meetings that you accepted invitations for. Remember what you noticed within yourself during these meetings, positive as well as negative.
• Sort the meetings by the strength of your reaction, and also by ease of making or requesting changes.
• Spend some time with the meetings on top of those lists. Do you want to make changes? What ideas are coming up? Are they internal changes, or does the meeting need to change?

With care,

Martin